And, today it is done

So, I have been dating this wonderful man for 2 months now. He really is great...so caring, loving, and sensitive to my needs. But (of course there is a but), I just think it wasn't meant to be. Or, maybe it was simply bad timing. After feeling like it is going downhill for about a week now, I finally decided to talk to him today. The solution that came out of our chat was that we would "take a step back". His words, not mine. Friends are people that care and love for each other too, so why can't we be just that? No reason. That's what we are going to try. I leave him feeling like I have done the right thing, I have somehow managed to end things as nicely as possible, and maybe he doesn't think of me as a horrible wench.

I got in my car, and headed down the road. I needed some moral support, just some reassurance that I had down the correct thing. This is either my sister, or Kelley. Kelley answered. I was fine...until she asked me if I was fine. I then got this overwhelming guilty feeling. I just didn't know how to cure it. I broke out into tears because I had broken someone's heart. Having just gone through a similar situation about 5 months ago, I knew EXACTLY what he was feeling. And, this time, I had caused it. I feel absolutely horrible. I mean, really...that is not what I wanted to do. But, then again, did I want to sacrifice my feelings (or lack thereof) for the rest of my life in order to make him feel better?

This feeling I have is overwhelming. I never want to hurt anyone as much as I feel I have hurt this wonderful person. I just pray that he finds that perfect person for him. Because, he deserves nothing less. I really to believe that, with time, he will come to agree with my decision. And, I hope that I affected his life in a positive way, even though he may not be able to see that right now. I know that he has affected me in a very positive way. He is an extremely caring person, and it's so good to know that there are men in this world that are capable of such care and love for another person.

And, so, that is why today, it is done...done and over. I only hope that we can really become good friends...because I hate for such a wonderful person to leave my life once and for all.